Art Isn't Easy.....

I know I said I wouldn't post for a few weeks....well I lied.
I saw the singer Maria Friedman in concert tonight and something she said sent me blog-eyed.
Maria was talking about Sondheim's Sunday In The Park With George and Seurat's relationship with his muse Dot, who she played in the London production of the musical.
"George couldn't commit to Dot, he was an artist....sound familiar?"
Yes, it does. I spent seven years with an actor who couldn't commit to me because of his art.
And I spent seven years trying to get him to commit. Like Dot I should have moved on.

It's seven years since we parted and he died unexpectedly earlier this summer.

So why do we try to get people to commit to us when they are simply incapable of it?
There is the lover and the loved and sometimes we lovers just keep on loving too long.
So many years trying to create something that could never be anything other than what it was.

Art isn't the only thing that isn't easy.

Seasons Greetings

Happy Holidays if you are out there and reading this.....Is anyone reading this?
I think of this blog right now as being in trial form.
I need to shape and mould it more before going live officially.
It is still a baby blog that needs changing !
I probably wont be blogging over the next couple of weeks, so in the meantime I wish you peace and happiness.
Take a little time to enjoy your friends and family.
Take a little time to enjoy the world.
Take a little time to enjoy yourself.

Heart shaped and fruit flavoured......

I am re-posting something I wrote a couple of weeks ago. It resonates with me & I wanted to share it again.

I remember being twenty years old and walking through London in December in the rain. A similar evening to tonight. I was confused and trying to understand myself and the world around me. The rain was cold on my face, big drops that felt like ice .
I stopped to buy some jelly beans to cheer myself up. They were heart shaped and fruit flavoured. I remember walking along and eating them in great handfuls.
The rain was getting heavier and I was taking bigger helpings of the beans.
Non water proof shoes, wet socks, cold toes, heavy heart.
Heart shaped and fruit flavoured the jelly beans roll and somehow they're good for your soul......
The words came into my head from nowhere, but I repeated them to myself as i walked. Like a mantra, heart shaped and fruit flavoured the jelly beans roll.......
And they were, really good for my soul. Because as I ingested them I knew that everything was going to be ok. Their sweetness and shape, the hopeful taste of my future.
I always think of jelly beans as soul food now. Try some and see. Heart shaped and fruit flavoured recommended for maximum benefit. See label for responsible daily dose.
Somehow, they're good for your soul.

Dreamtime

Last night I dreamt that bombs were falling down around me. Running through the debris with my work colleagues, trying to predict where the next one would fall from. I was very very afraid.
When I woke up I thought about the madness and inhumanity of dropping bombs on anyone. How can we do it? I thought of the bombs we drop in times of war and the smaller metaphorical bombs we freely drop on each other on a daily basis.
I pondered on the victims of these bombs and paused and thought of the enormity of it all and the possibilities for peace. I say the word out loud. PEACE.

The crumpled duvet still fraught with the terror of last night's dreams.

I get up and make myself some strong black coffee and a slice of toast smothered in sweet scarlet coloured strawberry jam.

And life goes on.

The Children Of Lovers Are Orphans

Sometimes, you read something that makes you shiver. Cold comfortless words.
I once read that "the children of lovers are orphans".
It's a powerful statement. But aren't the children of enemies orphans too?
I say we need to strike a balance. Love your partner, love your child.
Love yourself and the other two should follow.
Isn't it easy to write these things.......if only we could live life in a blog rather than in a fog.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Or try walking in someone else's.
There will always be lovers. There will always be orphans.
There is always the potential for change.
I change, you change, we change.
Or rather, I try to.......

Kite

Last year, I made this video for Patti Griffin's Kite Song.
Somehow I feel it's appropriate to post it here. Now. Today.
It says everything I want to say about the world we all live in.
I thank Patty Griffin for the beautiful music and thank the sky for being there and being blue.
I hope this offers you hope in the same way it offers me the promise and prospect of peace.

Twenty Four

An older couple sitting across from me on the bus home tonight.

Her: "The best part about religion is the retreats, they used to have one for women and one for men."
Him: "Well that seems very unusual. Was that in a synagogue?"
Her:"My parents used to go every year. And I shall be out on Friday night, so you'll have to get your own dinner."

That's why i love the bus. Such precious privileged glimpses into other people's lives.